You Don't Belong Here A Metaphysical Journey to Surviving Shame, Role of Family Scapegoat, and Dementia-Caregiver

Tamara's story is a metaphysical journey from personal failures, shame, guilt, and depression to embracing and safeguarding her empathic gifts. She writes about practically applying what she learned through spiritual, psychological, theosophical, mythical, and religious studies to a fixed psychology of self-love. Her lay research in these disciplines contributed to her emotional stability, even when she felt overwhelmed by her given role as the family scapegoat, coworkers, the role of caregiver-and life. Although her brother's suicide initially sparked her search, she realized that her Native American heritage shaped a fixed, flawed self-image among her family members. Her father (Swede/Inupiaq) grew up in Nome, Alaska, where Eskimos were viewed as "the dogs" of the community. Self-hatred was embedded in his DNA, which he subsequently passed down to the culture of his own family. Since love and emotional safety were absent in her family, she initially dedicated her life to faith in the Evangelical promise of a loving and safe community. Perhaps she thought Jesus would always protect her, but when the born-again culture increasingly felt like a delusion than a guarantee, she left the Church. She then discovered Krishnamurti's theosophical teachings on elevated consciousness and awareness, along with Joseph Campbell's teachings on myth-its wisdom and ability to inspire a person's metaphysical connection to compassionate energies that can propel one beyond fear and the mundane. Further study of Buddhist teachings, Old Testament stories (viewed as myths), and chakra energy, among other things, helped her cultivate bravery and build resilience while navigating a path to spiritual fulfillment amidst loveless family members and their enablers who dismiss empaths-independent, complex thinkers who ask too many questions and acknowledge the elephant(s) in the room. Tamara's teachers instilled in her the courage to navigate Machiavellian, shame-based environments and endure the twelve years of caring for her mother suffering from dementia.